Tuesday Musings #3

This week's writing challenge:
It has been said by many that there are specific and profound moments/decisions in your life that change you. They leave deep and indelible impressions and you are never the same again, whether for better or worse. Write about one of these moments in your life, how it changed you, and whether you consider yourself a better or worse person for it.

I can think of countless moments where something impacted me rather negatively and I was never the same again, but I really wanted to write on something that had a positively profound and moving effect on my life.

This moment came for me soon after I had graduated from college. I was working two jobs in an effort to pay off my school and personally accrued debt. I was feeling a bit low, not sure what I was going to do with myself and wanting so badly to be free from this slave driving ball and chain. In quiet moments, I found myself turning to personal reflection and prayer. I was reading good things and doing my best to keep in good company. I remember sitting outside our back porch on the ratty old couch reading "Be Thou an Example" by Gordon B. Hinckley. There was one chapter that really stuck with me. It was regarding a man who had been imprisoned in his own war torn country while the wherabouts of his family were unknown. He had lost everything and from my perspective, all hope. Once the ordeal had ended he was interviewed and found to be positive and joyful. The interviewer then asked him what kept him hopeful through this trial and why was he able to remain happy? He then answered simply, "I placed my burdens on Christ, and my load was lifted." (or something to that effect) I was very familiar with the story of the atonement. That Jesus suffered and died for my sins and that I had only to repent to return to live with Him someday. This was a basic and meaningful truth in my life. I had not, however, considered the fact that He suffered ALL of the pain, grief, fear and anguish that any and all of us have to face in this life (not just for our sins), so that He alone could comfort us in our time of need. So that He alone, could lift us up and remove the heavy burdens from our back. He alone could be that friend we could lean upon because He knew...He knows how each and every one of us feels. He alone has been there. So my fear of what was to become of my life, of whether I would ever be able to vanquish my debt, of feeling so alone with no earthly help around was after all, not my fear to bear alone. What joy my heart felt as I contemplated these words! This man in the book learned how to lean on his Savior, to make the atonement an action word in his life and he was blessed so deeply for it. Now, all I had to do was figure out how this worked. It was one thing to know that I could, but an entirely different thing to put into action. How do you become one with the Savior, sharing your burdens with Him who knows you best?

I contemplated these words for almost exactly one week. I prayed about how this could happen for me. My answer came in the most unexpected of ways.

I was driving to work one morning when a large semi truck and trailer moved into my lane of traffic without warning or hesitation, knocking me off the road into the ditch that divides the north and southbound sections of the freeway. I swerved and fishtailed around until my car eventually flipped over leaving me hanging upside down. This was where the strangeness of my tale comes in to play. I don't ever remember feeling as though I was upside down, nor the trauma my body must have gone through with the severity of the accident and the fact that I was traveling about 70 mph. I only remember feeling as though someone was cradling me and keeping me safe from harm as my car, this heavy piece of metal and rubber twisted and turned around me. I remember thinking, when the car eventually came to a stop, that I needed to get out before it blew up (no doubt a product of too much TV and movie watching!) and I wrestled a bit to get my seat belt loose. Funny, that again, I cannot remember ever having to right myself in the upside down car though I would've had to to get out of my seat. I only remember very easily climbing out the shattered back window and standing peacefully looking at my once shiny black Jetta now mangled and torn. As I stared, probably blankly, looking at the scene, one thought (or rather heartfelt prayer) came to my mind..."This is in your hands now. I release this burden and ask that you would bear me up and give me the strength to pick up the pieces. I don't know what to do but I trust that you know what is best for me and will walk with me comforting me along the way." I had a deep sense of gratitude in my heart as I knew who had protected me and cared for me. I knew it was my Savior who had prepared me for this trial I was to face, who had allowed the holy spirit to speak to me through this wonderful book. I finally knew what it meant to have the atonement an active and real part of my life.

This moment forever changed me and because of it, I come back to this memory often. It has been important for me to always remember the times in my life when I have felt His love most profoundly. It is through these memories that I am able to once again, feel His love wash over me and lift me easily through the daily trials I face.